Skip to main content


Showing posts from July 30, 2017

Moving on and standing still

I slowly start to remember who I am, going back to whom I was. I was something before you. I was someone before you. I somehow forgot it all and got lost on my way to becoming something you take interest in.

I am not my sorrows nor my tears . I am not my fake smile. I am no longer all that

They say time will heal me but I feel like I am running out of time and it's so freaking painful that it feels like this will be the end of me. This will be the end of me if I don't turn around and leave.

I no longer remember your every single detail of your face....Just your eyes looking at me like I was an alien, your lips touching mine taking my breath away, your silly smile, your stupid beard that irritates me and you....all of you. Can barely remember you! So, I must be making fucking progress!

There are no signs of you in my life, not that you have been a serious part of it because you never seemed to let me in, the door to your heart was always closed. I should have known better.

I …

To my Houdini

Before you did your last trick of your show, The Prestige, I wish I asked you so many things. I remember so little as I got distracted by your great performance. The bunny in the hat, the hypnosis act all made me feel great but your final act, the Prestige left me speechless. You were nowhere to be found and left without a word at my best ... on my birthday! A unique way to say Happy Birthday ?Now, that's a real Prestige and you're the greatest Houdini this world has known to this day!

I usually can tell every trick in the book. I was suspicious I must admit as I recognised all the tricks but somehow let myself believe it was all real and then boom! The final act and now the curtain has fallen and I am sitting here in disbelief with the ticket in my hand - the only thing that proves it was all real not just my mind playing sick jokes on me-

A round of applause just for you! Thank you for the great show!

My heart knows

I always struggled to find a common ground between my heart and mind, it seems like they're continually disagree. My heart wants to love and feel love does not care much about repercussions, she wants to live here and now! My heart seeks experiences and wants to live then fully knowing that I am truly eternal! I was never truly born and will never die! There's no beginning or end in my heart, There is now and there is feelings that I want to feel to the core. My heart wants to experiment every inch of this life and it does not matter what the consequences are. She shouts from the top to the highest mountain: 'I want love! I want to love and be loved! I want to let down and be let down! I want to hate and be hated. I want to laugh and cry ! Who cares if I get hurt!? It's all about the experience.

My mind, my wise mind acts like an old policeman who wants to protect me from everything that my heart desires. He comes to be as an over cautions friend and looks at me suspic…