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You and I

Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.

I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.

I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clumsy attempt to reach  something to hold on to. He whispers in my ear ' there nothing here to help you, never was and never will be' He puts his arms around my waist and it feels like he is cursing my spirit. He offers me a chair and invites me to sit down. There are millions of places in the world that I rather be, anywhere but here!

'You hate it when I come to see you, but I seem to be the only friend you have got! When the darkness comes everyone runs from you! Everyone except me! I always run towards you! I was here from the beginning and I will be here until you decide to end it! I am here! Right here! Always was and always will be! Don't cry little girl ! I am by your side! I will never leave you, like everyone else!' he says in a cold controlled tone while he sits down in front of me.

'Your world crumbles, all these nice walls that you painted in white paint to shelter you from the outside world are now falling. You will soon discover that you need more than some strong walls and warm clothing, it's a very cold world out there. Better cover your eyes with heavy coins now and avoid while you can. ' he sights and continues 'You're not like them, you can't. You can try and play their game but as long as your heart beats you know you can't. You don't have it in you! You always knew you were different. It pains me to see you as much it pains you to see me.'  He suddenly gets up and comes closer, this time kneeling in front of me. He lays his head on my lap. I can feel his tears through my think skirt. He continues ' You don't need to do anything yet, wait until when you are ready. '

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Nothing touches my soul like the sound of piano. The sound of flaps tickles a string deeply buried and makes me want to come alive. I suddenly wake up as if after centuries of hibernation and re-live all that I missed, like a fast forward. I laugh a little, I cry a little and then shake it off and start dancing to the rhythm of this amazing piano.

Wish I was a ballerina so I can do the music justice and make you notice me flowig with the music but I am what I am and I close my eyes dreaming of what I could have been, should have been and will be... I will never be a ballerina nor what you wished me to be and I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself for that. I look into your eyes hoping for reassurance but I cannot find myself. I am shouting so loud hoping to get your attention but it is too late, I have faded like a light in the dusk.

I wish I could get all the answers from you but I have no idea what my questions were. I wish I could touch your heart to make it better and whole …