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In between

How can you know the depth of the darkness unless you can compare it something else?  But what can you compare darkness with?  Total black out? If you can still see the moon or the stars is still darkness?

This place is so dark and there are no stars,  just rain and mist.  Can it get darker? The answer is always 'yes' but I don't prefer the reality. I like to indulge myself in a promiscuous lie and say 'no'.  After darkness always comes light, it has to!  There is no guarantee but we sometimes have to delude ourselves.

There is no promise!  Here and now is all we have.  There is no guarantee that there will be a future.  I am here in my darkness and maybe this is all I will ever have.

Let there be no light,  I will chance my vision and become a cat.  Let there be no future and I will happily accept my fate for what it is.

I am complete,  may it be darkness or light.  May it be now, tomorrow or never.

I can accept things even if  I cannot change them and I can accept things I cannot understand. But if I accept does not mean that I agree or that I am happy about it.

I am who I am.  I cannot offer something I do not possess.  I cannot be someone who I am not.  I cannot move on if there's a wall surrounding me. 

The dreamer in me always thinks that everything happens with a reason.  I am looking for my lesson to learn so I can grow wiser.  I prefer to grow wiser if I were to chose between wiser and stronger.  I had to be strong for a very long time. I am not looking to be strong anymore,  I have no wish to fight wars.  The things that need fighting for, are not meant to be mine.  The things meant to be mine will just be. I surrender all my weapons,  armore and shields. I am tired of fighting wars that will only leave my soul crippled. If you require an army to get closer to your heart I am not not the one you are looking for. I have nothing to offer. All I have is my bare body and soul. My past is the past,  resting in peace with all those that were once a part of it. I have no future,  I prefer not to. 

Maybe it is too soon,  maybe is it late or maybe it's not meant to be. Whichever, I can accept.

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Am putine prietene cel putin de la o vreme iar azi am avut senzatia ca prietenia mea este pusa la incercare.
Intrand in sala de mese nu am putut sa nu observ cu coada ochilui doua din prietenele mele susotind in spatele mele. Nu am fost deranjata de susoteala in site pe cat am fost deranjata de faptul ca in sala de mese nu ne aflam decat noi trei si credeam ca suntem prietene cu toate .
Am asteptat pasnica pana cand susoteala a luat sfarsit, una din fete parasind sala de mese.
Nell, s-a asezat in fata mea zambind :
- Jo (lumea aici nu stie de Ioana, cu Jo) maine la ce ora ne intalnim?
I-am ignorat intrebare in timp de rasfoiam absenta o revista stupida a carui nume nici macar nu m-am obisit sa il citesc.
-Cine mai vine? M-a intrebat Nell vesela, fara sa fi observat faptul ca o ignor.
Mi-am ridicat privirea si i-am zabit :
-Nell, te consideri prietena mea? Am intrebat-o pe un ton ce-l doream calm
Nell ma privi speriata fata a intelege ce se intampla
-Ce inreba....
-Da sau nu, Nell i-am…

Crave

The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …