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Moving on and standing still

I slowly start to remember who I am, going back to whom I was. I was something before you. I was someone before you. I somehow forgot it all and got lost on my way to becoming something you take interest in.

I am not my sorrows nor my tears . I am not my fake smile. I am no longer all that

They say time will heal me but I feel like I am running out of time and it's so freaking painful that it feels like this will be the end of me. This will be the end of me if I don't turn around and leave.

I no longer remember your every single detail of your face....Just your eyes looking at me like I was an alien, your lips touching mine taking my breath away, your silly smile, your stupid beard that irritates me and you....all of you. Can barely remember you! So, I must be making fucking progress!

There are no signs of you in my life, not that you have been a serious part of it because you never seemed to let me in, the door to your heart was always closed. I should have known better.

I am no longer bitter and angry with myself. I am angry with you! I cursed you from the bottom of my heart and wished you feel the same pain I felt, or worse if that was possible. You're the first person I have ever cursed and it felt amazing. I should curse you more! You know when you said I was a witch? I pray you were right!

Nevertheless I need to count my blessing and move on. I turned back to everyone I took for granted and everyone that I left without a word, a stupid way of somehow balancing freaking Karma? I don't know I just suddenly felt guilty after experiencing this! No one deserves to suffer ! Ok, maybe you do...the exception to confirm the rule! So I sent my 'I'm sorry I was a dick message' and the reaction was a overwhelming because I was not expecting anything in return but it was nice to know I wasn't as bad as I thought, I wasn't as bad as you!

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Abia astept sa-mi dau foc la valiza

You and I

Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.

I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.

I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clu…


Nothing touches my soul like the sound of piano. The sound of flaps tickles a string deeply buried and makes me want to come alive. I suddenly wake up as if after centuries of hibernation and re-live all that I missed, like a fast forward. I laugh a little, I cry a little and then shake it off and start dancing to the rhythm of this amazing piano.

Wish I was a ballerina so I can do the music justice and make you notice me flowig with the music but I am what I am and I close my eyes dreaming of what I could have been, should have been and will be... I will never be a ballerina nor what you wished me to be and I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself for that. I look into your eyes hoping for reassurance but I cannot find myself. I am shouting so loud hoping to get your attention but it is too late, I have faded like a light in the dusk.

I wish I could get all the answers from you but I have no idea what my questions were. I wish I could touch your heart to make it better and whole …