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Moving on and standing still

I slowly start to remember who I am, going back to whom I was. I was something before you. I was someone before you. I somehow forgot it all and got lost on my way to becoming something you take interest in.

I am not my sorrows nor my tears . I am not my fake smile. I am no longer all that

They say time will heal me but I feel like I am running out of time and it's so freaking painful that it feels like this will be the end of me. This will be the end of me if I don't turn around and leave.

I no longer remember your every single detail of your face....Just your eyes looking at me like I was an alien, your lips touching mine taking my breath away, your silly smile, your stupid beard that irritates me and you....all of you. Can barely remember you! So, I must be making fucking progress!

There are no signs of you in my life, not that you have been a serious part of it because you never seemed to let me in, the door to your heart was always closed. I should have known better.

I am no longer bitter and angry with myself. I am angry with you! I cursed you from the bottom of my heart and wished you feel the same pain I felt, or worse if that was possible. You're the first person I have ever cursed and it felt amazing. I should curse you more! You know when you said I was a witch? I pray you were right!

Nevertheless I need to count my blessing and move on. I turned back to everyone I took for granted and everyone that I left without a word, a stupid way of somehow balancing freaking Karma? I don't know I just suddenly felt guilty after experiencing this! No one deserves to suffer ! Ok, maybe you do...the exception to confirm the rule! So I sent my 'I'm sorry I was a dick message' and the reaction was a overwhelming because I was not expecting anything in return but it was nice to know I wasn't as bad as I thought, I wasn't as bad as you!

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Cand ti se face dor de mine sa-mi trimiti un semal de fum...

Abia astept sa-mi dau foc la valiza

Crave

The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …

Intamplari cu final neasteptat

Am putine prietene cel putin de la o vreme iar azi am avut senzatia ca prietenia mea este pusa la incercare.
Intrand in sala de mese nu am putut sa nu observ cu coada ochilui doua din prietenele mele susotind in spatele mele. Nu am fost deranjata de susoteala in site pe cat am fost deranjata de faptul ca in sala de mese nu ne aflam decat noi trei si credeam ca suntem prietene cu toate .
Am asteptat pasnica pana cand susoteala a luat sfarsit, una din fete parasind sala de mese.
Nell, s-a asezat in fata mea zambind :
- Jo (lumea aici nu stie de Ioana, cu Jo) maine la ce ora ne intalnim?
I-am ignorat intrebare in timp de rasfoiam absenta o revista stupida a carui nume nici macar nu m-am obisit sa il citesc.
-Cine mai vine? M-a intrebat Nell vesela, fara sa fi observat faptul ca o ignor.
Mi-am ridicat privirea si i-am zabit :
-Nell, te consideri prietena mea? Am intrebat-o pe un ton ce-l doream calm
Nell ma privi speriata fata a intelege ce se intampla
-Ce inreba....
-Da sau nu, Nell i-am…