joi, 3 august 2017

Moving on and standing still

I slowly start to remember who I am, going back to whom I was. I was something before you. I was someone before you. I somehow forgot it all and got lost on my way to becoming something you take interest in.

I am not my sorrows nor my tears . I am not my fake smile. I am no longer all that

They say time will heal me but I feel like I am running out of time and it's so freaking painful that it feels like this will be the end of me. This will be the end of me if I don't turn around and leave.

I no longer remember your every single detail of your face....Just your eyes looking at me like I was an alien, your lips touching mine taking my breath away, your silly smile, your stupid beard that irritates me and you....all of you. Can barely remember you! So, I must be making fucking progress!

There are no signs of you in my life, not that you have been a serious part of it because you never seemed to let me in, the door to your heart was always closed. I should have known better.

I am no longer bitter and angry with myself. I am angry with you! I cursed you from the bottom of my heart and wished you feel the same pain I felt, or worse if that was possible. You're the first person I have ever cursed and it felt amazing. I should curse you more! You know when you said I was a witch? I pray you were right!

Nevertheless I need to count my blessing and move on. I turned back to everyone I took for granted and everyone that I left without a word, a stupid way of somehow balancing freaking Karma? I don't know I just suddenly felt guilty after experiencing this! No one deserves to suffer ! Ok, maybe you do...the exception to confirm the rule! So I sent my 'I'm sorry I was a dick message' and the reaction was a overwhelming because I was not expecting anything in return but it was nice to know I wasn't as bad as I thought, I wasn't as bad as you!