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Piano

Nothing touches my soul like the sound of piano. The sound of flaps tickles a string deeply buried and makes me want to come alive. I suddenly wake up as if after centuries of hibernation and re-live all that I missed, like a fast forward. I laugh a little, I cry a little and then shake it off and start dancing to the rhythm of this amazing piano.

Wish I was a ballerina so I can do the music justice and make you notice me flowig with the music but I am what I am and I close my eyes dreaming of what I could have been, should have been and will be... I will never be a ballerina nor what you wished me to be and I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself for that. I look into your eyes hoping for reassurance but I cannot find myself. I am shouting so loud hoping to get your attention but it is too late, I have faded like a light in the dusk.

I wish I could get all the answers from you but I have no idea what my questions were. I wish I could touch your heart to make it better and whole again. I wish I could touch your dreams as I used to.

The days disappear taking with them all the dreams that we made and what yesterday was promising. Today is so empty and looks like a leaf in the wind flying away from me. I can feel my tears of desperation running after all my lost dreams and there are so many cross roads and they all go different directions while I am here not knowing where to go. I turn to all sorts of Gods as I would when I am at the lowest, asking for guidance and each one shows me his truth and road. .

There is no shame in kneeling and crying at cross roads nor screaming from the top of lungs or wishing you were a ballerina so you can waltz my way out of this. I cursed the moment I was born and wish I was pointing fingers at everyone but there's no one around. On my own, again. It's like Karma has decided to play a stupid joke on me. Was everyone on this planet busy? Why couldn't she pick someone else to play with this silly stupid game! WHY ME??? The eternal question made by so many people when life decided to play vicious games on them. Surely, it's not my fault! It can't be! It mustn't !

Defeated I plan to return home, only if I knew where I was or where home was or who I was.

I am walking these empty streets trying to find my way. I have no idea where I am going or why but I will no longer stay here, I don't belong here. Not sure if I belong where I am going to or if I will ever belong somewhere else or even if I am meant to.

'There is a beauty in not knowing what's next and a bit of adventure never hurt anyone' I could hear myself encouraging others and I smile as I always do when I have no idea what to do.

I forgive you! It's the least I can do for all that you have given me. I may never be a ballerina but I got wings.

Thank you.










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Abia astept sa-mi dau foc la valiza

Crave

The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …

Intamplari cu final neasteptat

Am putine prietene cel putin de la o vreme iar azi am avut senzatia ca prietenia mea este pusa la incercare.
Intrand in sala de mese nu am putut sa nu observ cu coada ochilui doua din prietenele mele susotind in spatele mele. Nu am fost deranjata de susoteala in site pe cat am fost deranjata de faptul ca in sala de mese nu ne aflam decat noi trei si credeam ca suntem prietene cu toate .
Am asteptat pasnica pana cand susoteala a luat sfarsit, una din fete parasind sala de mese.
Nell, s-a asezat in fata mea zambind :
- Jo (lumea aici nu stie de Ioana, cu Jo) maine la ce ora ne intalnim?
I-am ignorat intrebare in timp de rasfoiam absenta o revista stupida a carui nume nici macar nu m-am obisit sa il citesc.
-Cine mai vine? M-a intrebat Nell vesela, fara sa fi observat faptul ca o ignor.
Mi-am ridicat privirea si i-am zabit :
-Nell, te consideri prietena mea? Am intrebat-o pe un ton ce-l doream calm
Nell ma privi speriata fata a intelege ce se intampla
-Ce inreba....
-Da sau nu, Nell i-am…