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My heart knows

I always struggled to find a common ground between my heart and mind, it seems like they're continually disagree. My heart wants to love and feel love does not care much about repercussions, she wants to live here and now! My heart seeks experiences and wants to live then fully knowing that I am truly eternal! I was never truly born and will never die! There's no beginning or end in my heart, There is now and there is feelings that I want to feel to the core. My heart wants to experiment every inch of this life and it does not matter what the consequences are. She shouts from the top to the highest mountain: 'I want love! I want to love and be loved! I want to let down and be let down! I want to hate and be hated. I want to laugh and cry ! Who cares if I get hurt!? It's all about the experience.

My mind, my wise mind acts like an old policeman who wants to protect me from everything that my heart desires. He comes to be as an over cautions friend and looks at me suspicious, as I was suffering of some kind of temporary madness. He thinks I was just born and if I am not careful I will die too soon so he's here to protect me. He has his best interest at heart, funny right?  He does not understand feelings, he thinks that feelings are a luxury and no one should afford. Felling are asking me to close all the doors and put locks, no one is to be let in and nothing is to be let out. I should focus on my jobs, I should eat healthier and sleep way more! And he advises me : ' let feelings go otherwise it will break your heart and kill me!' Let's forget about all this funny business he advises.

I am split in two and you're in the middle of my torment. I listened to my heart but my mind was right.

My heart wants to hold on and my mind wants to let go.

It's past midnight and my heart calls your name over and over again. My mind sits in the corner with a smug smile on his face making shout out all the wrong names. Do you think that if I were to remember your name you would come back?


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Am putine prietene cel putin de la o vreme iar azi am avut senzatia ca prietenia mea este pusa la incercare.
Intrand in sala de mese nu am putut sa nu observ cu coada ochilui doua din prietenele mele susotind in spatele mele. Nu am fost deranjata de susoteala in site pe cat am fost deranjata de faptul ca in sala de mese nu ne aflam decat noi trei si credeam ca suntem prietene cu toate .
Am asteptat pasnica pana cand susoteala a luat sfarsit, una din fete parasind sala de mese.
Nell, s-a asezat in fata mea zambind :
- Jo (lumea aici nu stie de Ioana, cu Jo) maine la ce ora ne intalnim?
I-am ignorat intrebare in timp de rasfoiam absenta o revista stupida a carui nume nici macar nu m-am obisit sa il citesc.
-Cine mai vine? M-a intrebat Nell vesela, fara sa fi observat faptul ca o ignor.
Mi-am ridicat privirea si i-am zabit :
-Nell, te consideri prietena mea? Am intrebat-o pe un ton ce-l doream calm
Nell ma privi speriata fata a intelege ce se intampla
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Crave

The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …