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Please don't judge me

There's so much silence surrounding you and I, from now on I shall call it our silence. I loved you until all your hope and amazement got contagious, then I heard your voice and saw your face and all my apathy went down the drain.

Every time I wanted to you to stop, I found myself pulling your hair and whispering in your ear how much I wanted you until I stooped wanting you and started wanting more.

If you wish you can lie to me but, only for as long as I will allow it. I will turn a blind eye and pretend I did not notice or understood your silence. However, no matter how lonely I get or how I feel I could never, under any circumstances lie to myself into believing even for a second that I am more to you than I am.

When we make love, if  love is what we are making, it seems that your body is telling me all the things you can't. I miss you and I can almost taste every time 'I missed you'

 Look at me until the end of time and never ask why as I got a goldfish's memory,remember?

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Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.

I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.

I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clu…


Nothing touches my soul like the sound of piano. The sound of flaps tickles a string deeply buried and makes me want to come alive. I suddenly wake up as if after centuries of hibernation and re-live all that I missed, like a fast forward. I laugh a little, I cry a little and then shake it off and start dancing to the rhythm of this amazing piano.

Wish I was a ballerina so I can do the music justice and make you notice me flowig with the music but I am what I am and I close my eyes dreaming of what I could have been, should have been and will be... I will never be a ballerina nor what you wished me to be and I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself for that. I look into your eyes hoping for reassurance but I cannot find myself. I am shouting so loud hoping to get your attention but it is too late, I have faded like a light in the dusk.

I wish I could get all the answers from you but I have no idea what my questions were. I wish I could touch your heart to make it better and whole …