It's just an illusion, the image I wish to see is not there anymore,the words I seek have vanished as if it they never existed, the piano has stooped playing the obsessive tune in my head, there's only cold emptiness in all corners of my aching soul. Another disillusion of a weak heart tricked by a master mind. Was it real at least for a moment in time? I touch my face as if by magic it would reveal the truth denied. I am. I am what I am and there's nothing I can to do about that.
In the morning sun light I believe I'm real but by sun set I doubt everything around me.
- Try and live with yourself, you' re the only thing you got left ! he says smiling in the dark corner of the room, haunting me: It's just you between the four white empty walls. No one ever comes in and you never go out. They all call you names....'the woman with no windows in her heart'- mainly. Why so stubborn, you will never overcome your limitations. You'll never dance, sing or smile again, get used to it. You have willingly surrendered ! Time cannot be turned back. You cannot reclaim back your wasted years, tears or sweat, maybe just the bad taste of it all. It's all lost and it will never come back, you will need to learn how to accept it. You might not like it, but it is what it is and there's nothing you can do about that.You believe this world was created for you and your little dreams, you believe you can love but you have no heart! You're just ill! I will fix you. There no such thing as real or now nor love, when you will be able to accept that you will be fine!
Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.
I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me. Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby. A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.
I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clu…
Nothing touches my soul like the sound of piano. The sound of flaps tickles a string deeply buried and makes me want to come alive. I suddenly wake up as if after centuries of hibernation and re-live all that I missed, like a fast forward. I laugh a little, I cry a little and then shake it off and start dancing to the rhythm of this amazing piano.
Wish I was a ballerina so I can do the music justice and make you notice me flowig with the music but I am what I am and I close my eyes dreaming of what I could have been, should have been and will be... I will never be a ballerina nor what you wished me to be and I cannot seem to be able to forgive myself for that. I look into your eyes hoping for reassurance but I cannot find myself. I am shouting so loud hoping to get your attention but it is too late, I have faded like a light in the dusk.
I wish I could get all the answers from you but I have no idea what my questions were. I wish I could touch your heart to make it better and whole …