It's just an illusion, the image I wish to see is not there anymore,the words I seek have vanished as if it they never existed, the piano has stooped playing the obsessive tune in my head, there's only cold emptiness in all corners of my aching soul. Another disillusion of a weak heart tricked by a master mind. Was it real at least for a moment in time? I touch my face as if by magic it would reveal the truth denied. I am. I am what I am and there's nothing I can to do about that.
In the morning sun light I believe I'm real but by sun set I doubt everything around me.
- Try and live with yourself, you' re the only thing you got left ! he says smiling in the dark corner of the room, haunting me: It's just you between the four white empty walls. No one ever comes in and you never go out. They all call you names....'the woman with no windows in her heart'- mainly. Why so stubborn, you will never overcome your limitations. You'll never dance, sing or smile again, get used to it. You have willingly surrendered ! Time cannot be turned back. You cannot reclaim back your wasted years, tears or sweat, maybe just the bad taste of it all. It's all lost and it will never come back, you will need to learn how to accept it. You might not like it, but it is what it is and there's nothing you can do about that.You believe this world was created for you and your little dreams, you believe you can love but you have no heart! You're just ill! I will fix you. There no such thing as real or now nor love, when you will be able to accept that you will be fine!
Am putine prietene cel putin de la o vreme iar azi am avut senzatia ca prietenia mea este pusa la incercare.
Intrand in sala de mese nu am putut sa nu observ cu coada ochilui doua din prietenele mele susotind in spatele mele. Nu am fost deranjata de susoteala in site pe cat am fost deranjata de faptul ca in sala de mese nu ne aflam decat noi trei si credeam ca suntem prietene cu toate .
Am asteptat pasnica pana cand susoteala a luat sfarsit, una din fete parasind sala de mese.
Nell, s-a asezat in fata mea zambind :
- Jo (lumea aici nu stie de Ioana, cu Jo) maine la ce ora ne intalnim?
I-am ignorat intrebare in timp de rasfoiam absenta o revista stupida a carui nume nici macar nu m-am obisit sa il citesc.
-Cine mai vine? M-a intrebat Nell vesela, fara sa fi observat faptul ca o ignor.
Mi-am ridicat privirea si i-am zabit :
-Nell, te consideri prietena mea? Am intrebat-o pe un ton ce-l doream calm
Nell ma privi speriata fata a intelege ce se intampla
-Da sau nu, Nell i-am…
The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.
There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'
Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.
No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …