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Tu, eu...unu

De curand am cautat un vechi site, l-am gasit in schimb avea continutul complet schimbat. Am decis sa ii dedic cateva minute in memoria vechiului site. Am gasit un continut mult mai profund decat starea mea de spirit dar, am cautat sa ma concentrez si recunosc ca am citit fiecare rand de vreo trei patru ori pana cand, cred ca am inteles sensul cuvintelor. Pe scurt Eu, Tu suntem doar unu! Eu nu sunt doar picaruta ce cade intr-un ocean ci intregul ocean se va cufunda in mine.

In copilarie eram convinsa ca viata mea este precum o piesa de teatru. Eram convinsa ca daca as fi facut un gest neasteptat de genul, sa ma ridic si sa fug cat pot de repede pana la coltul strazii as fi descoperit ca acolo nu mai era nimic! Credeam ca totul si toti sunt acolo doar pentru mine! Toti din jurul meu erau doar marionete iar eu eram singura reala. Imi era teama sa fug pana la coltul strazii pe neasteptate, de teama sa nu fie adevarat si sa ma trezesc ca sunt singura in  lume.

Azi mi se spune ca tu esti tot o parte din tine sunt eu, ca defapt tu sunt eu! Am sa las deoparte toti criminali, pedofili si alte drojdii ale societatii cand am sa ma gandesc la asta, recunosc si ma gandesc cum Tu ar putea fi EU. Ok trebuie sa admit ca pe site scrie negru pe alb ca doar atunci cand esti pre-luminat si te-ai descoperit poti sa intelegi adevaratul inteles al cuvintelor, si abia cand traiesti intelesul acestora esti safe. Trebuie sa admit ca in aceste clipe daca as scapa de nenorocita asta de durere de cap, care m-a torturat toata ziua m-as declara a-tot cunoscatoare! Dar daca e adevarat? Daca in tine e un strop de mine? M-am uitat in jurul meu cu o noua pereche de ochi, si am incercat sa-i vad pe cei din jurul meu ca pe o parte din mine, am zambit cand am realizat cat de usor imi e sa ii inteleg. Sa fie ca-n vise? Se spune ca in vise tu esti defapt toate personajele pe care le visezi! Cert e ca imi e usor sa-i inteleg pe cei din jur cand inteleg cat de mult ne asemanam, cand inteleg ca si eu sunt la fel de egoista, inganfata si razbunatoare, daca eu as fi in locul tau as reactiona la fel.

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You and I

Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.

I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.

I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clu…


The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …