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Did I?

Did I made you cry without whiping your tear?
in this lonley live in wich I had your heart in mine

Did I never looked back with love in you heart?
in this fullish game of 'who ever cares more'

Did I walk without looking back into your eyes?
just waiting for a word, a kiss a touch

Did I never showed who you are?
with every touch and heart beat

Did I never told you that you mean the whole world to me?
with every breath and ever beat of my heart

Did I called your name to many times?
people started to belive I changed my name

Did I ever looked back in anger and balmed you?
for not beeing whom I wanted you to be

Did I ever let you belive ?
that I was not next to your soul

Did I ever let you belive that you were alone?
on the boat sailing the horid sea

Did I ever missed to be you reflection?
in the sea water every time you looked

Did I ever said 'if you'd love me, you'll stop?'
even for a little while

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Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.

I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.

I can see your sharp teeth shining in the candle light while you laugh in my face. Your unkind touch  makes me tremble beyond control. I am stretching my arm in the dark in a clu…


The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …