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Aiurea

Miercuri, un fel de luni al prizonierului din oglinda.Vreau ca ziua sa aiba 24 de ore si nu 16 ,aici ma refrer in special la pulsul Terrei care din 7.83 cicli pe secunda si a ajuns la 12 cicli pe secunda! Cine a fost destul de norocos sau ghinionist a aflat deja asa ca nu am sa mai insist. Ma gandesc ca mi se fura zilnic 8 ore din viata, nici nu e de mirare ca sunt mereu obosita si ca nu am timp. Razboinicul din mine se trezeste la lupta tot eu trebuie sa il calmez si sa ii zic ' Stai calm, nu putem sa lupatam cu morile de vant!'
Aici e frig, orinde in lume va fi cald, doar aici e mereu frig, vremea tinde sa fie un subiect super interesant. Candva ii judecam aspru pe cei care nu aveau suficienta imaginatie sa vorbeasca de orice altceva cu exceptia vremii,azi zambesc la gandul ca fara indoiala si eu as fi judecata aspru de mine in acele vremuri si pe buna dreptate! Lipsa soarelui dupa cum bine se stie provoaca depresie iar depresia pune stapanire pe gandurile tale iar in acea clipa poti spune 'Adio' imaginatiei.
Ma simt obosita (mi se fura timpul) depresiva (lipsa de soare) mai iau o gura de cafea rece din cana mea preferata cu Starbucks coffee. Imi indrept atentia spre un email care asteapta raspuns, sunt mai multe care asteapta raspuns dar asta e mai special! Dezbatem teorii si pasaje dintr-o carte celebra si ma intreb: Cum sa-mi fac vorbele sa fie mai putin vorbe si gandurile mai putin ganduri. Cum sa fiu eu mai putin Ioana imperfecta si mai mult Ioana ce-a inteleapta? Cum as putea eu, si nu numai eu sa fiu ceea ce nu sunt. Fara indoiala incerc dar uneori nu tine doar de dorinta noastra care in cele din urma e muritoare, ca noi! Cum sa fii mai putin demonic si mai mult angelic? Azi cand totul are un dublu inteles cum sa intelgi sensul adevarat?

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Here we are again! I hoped you got lost in the nothingness of all the days that have passed since we last stood face to face, separated by darkness only. I can feel your breath on my neck and in my mind I am begging you again to let me go.



I feel your shadow surrounding me, your musty scent poisons the air around me.  Like a bad sin, you never stay away for too long. You call it 'love', I call it 'curse'. You think that all this is a game and I enjoy your company. Maybe you're just as confused as I am and mistake my tears for rain and my scream for help with a lullaby.   A deep breath before I turn to face you, your poisons scent inundates every cell in my lungs . I curse the moment I was born and wish I could run to the end of the world and hide in a cage for the rest of my miserable life.



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The space between the worlds where I can find myself without looking in the water reflection and getting a glimpse of what I once was and what I long to be.

There are no thoughts just the silence of my own soul.My armour is abandoned at the door I am free of darkness. I shred layer after layer until I walk naked and the ground shivers beneath my feet, the sun kisses all my imperfections and the wind calls my name. I will no longer hide behind the vail of lies. I raise my arms to the sky and I know I am where I belong. If this place would actually exist and have a name I could probably call it 'home'

Here, I allow myself to be. I can be simple, can be nobody and nobody's. I am nobody's child, nobody's lover, nobody's mother.

No longer the exhausted body that strives to look beautiful and thin to please those who can only see.
No longer the smile that shows up every time insecurities surface to impress those who judge.
No longer the laughter that hides a cry to …