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Ashes to Dust

When the air gets unbreathable, I nudge myself to move on ignoring my human conditioning . 'I am not giving up' I whisper to an immune and unamused God then I hand  Him the ropes.I am just a marionette after all. I am dust and to dust I shall return

The day I will turn to ashes no pain that I have endured will matter, the tears I have shed will have long dried and got forgotten No one will know to tell the story I have lived and the pain that devoured my aching lost soul. My days will seem so distant, as distant as your heart. I will take back the love I have showered you with. I will take my love back and you will get to feel the emptiness of your own soul without my love being there to lit the lights of your being. I will be able to forgive you at last for condescending attitude and inability to open your heart.

All that I have ever cared for will no longer matter, the musty dust will cover most of the places I once used to find comfort in. My bed will be messy as usual but…
Recent posts

Echoes

Maybe coming here was not such a good idea afterall.  Perhaps I should have think things through.  I fell trapped under an avalanche of thoughts and emotions.  Like a broken record I repeat to myself ' you don't belong here' voicing out all those thoughts will not stop my hands from shaking or others thinking it. 
I could have conquered the word but I choose not to,  call it fear,  call it laziness,  call it misfortune or as your wish but the end result is the same. I stopped and now I fell inappropriate. 
The real question is if I am ready to feel inappropriate  or if I should go back. The distant echos are coming back ' You don't belong here'.

Your world vs mine

I can see you protecting yourself from me so I raised my shield to protect myself from you.Here we are with our guards up awaiting for a war to start or a white flag to be raised but no one seems willing to raise it. I go back to all my hurts and tell myself off for being a failure and never learning.You turn to confront your demons.
I am again walking in the valley of unworthyness and tears bring me to surrender. I no longer wish to be strong. Like is a constant fight and I am exhausted on having to fight for every little thing I want.
I wanted you but you asked me to wait as if there was some test you expected me to fail.  Why does love has to be so complicated even before it begins??? 
If love is what you're looking for,  aren't you supposed to give it a chance?  Aren't you supposed to run towards it?? Am I something that has to tick all the right boxed before you decide if I am worthy to be let in? 
I will save you the time and trouble.  I am not.
Not worthy at all…

In between

How can you know the depth of the darkness unless you can compare it something else?  But what can you compare darkness with?  Total black out? If you can still see the moon or the stars is still darkness?This place is so dark and there are no stars,  just rain and mist.  Can it get darker? The answer is always 'yes' but I don't prefer the reality. I like to indulge myself in a promiscuous lie and say 'no'.  After darkness always comes light, it has to!  There is no guarantee but we sometimes have to delude ourselves. There is no promise!  Here and now is all we have.  There is no guarantee that there will be a future.  I am here in my darkness and maybe this is all I will ever have. Let there be no light,  I will chance my vision and become a cat.  Let there be no future and I will happily accept my fate for what it is. I am complete,  may it be darkness or light.  May it be now, tomorrow or never. I can accept things even if  I cannot change them and I can accept…

This sound

This sound...  Laugh
This sound...  It' gonna blow your mind! I have art in my heart! Sacred geometry finally make sense!  Lives in every corner of my being and changes with every move that I make and every sound...  This sound...  I repeat again and again...  This sound...  I love the voice,  the sequence of the sacred geometry and the color of it.
I laugh as I hear my voice as if it was God talking to me.  I never knew who I was until now!  I am a sound...  And not any sound...  This soundThere is great power in knowing that you are the creator of your world.  Knowning that you can have what ever you wish.   Just think of it,  call it's name and it becomes real.  We are the masters of our own universe let's make it worth our time!

The sheepy dragon

I was raised to believe I was a sheep and sent to church to pray for my sins every time I burped fire.  I leaned to run with the other sheeps in my heard and leaned to love them all, we were all sheeps after all  or so I belived. I always knew not to cross the line and be quiet, I was trained for all that but even so deep inside it all fell wrong.  I was having to walk the earth when all I deemed of was to fly and dance with the clouds.  I was forced to look up to everyone when I felt I should admire them from above. 
So many times I was punished when I raised my eyes to watch the beautiful blue sky where all my dreams belonged.  My clouds were my soft coushins and they made me bend my knees and kneal on the concrete. It took me a life time to have the courage to look in the mirror to find out who I truly am.  You cannot hide your true nature!  It's like a sin that will always haunt you until you surrender and accept it.  I was looking in the mirror hoping to find a sheep and fou…

Love the most expensive brand

Whomever invented this brand was a true marketing  God.  I mean isn't this the supreme bling?and yes...  I said bling as in bling bling. 
It's all meant to make you stupid and look for love outside the self...  Let's put our faith in a random stranger to come and fill our life with joy!   Because we are incomplete without it!  We all need love!!!  And we are taught that love has has to come from someone else!  Someone important!  Someone emotionally unavailable preferably...  They will offcourse be smitten by our presence and immediately chance! 
It's all so simple really!  All he has to do is come and save me!!!  I need saving!  ( most likely from myself as I can be an utter bitch)  Guess what?  I don't care about your brand!  Not looking for love...  Or loved one...  Not even two! ( as tempting as it sounds!)   I refuse!  It' all an  manipulation!  We are manipulated to believe that we need love!  And that the love that we need could ever come from outside.…